Why You Should Run When Someone Wants to Be Your Guru
…And What the Solstice Taught Me About Self-Trust
I didn’t plan on writing this.
But then again… I didn’t plan on being cracked open by something I loved.
For the past seven months, I’ve been practicing within a Buddhist community. It felt like sanctuary.
It gave me peace, perspective, presence. I rarely missed a week.
I looked forward to what I’d learn about myself, about healing, about how to hold space for others with even more clarity and grace.
And then, one Sunday, everything shifted.
What had once felt like a path inward suddenly pointed toward devotion to an external authority.
And my body said: No.
I didn’t override it.
I didn’t rationalize it.
I listened.
What I’ve Always Believed and What This Confirmed
It doesn’t matter how respected a teaching is.
It doesn’t matter how beloved the teacher.
It doesn’t matter how many followers someone has.
If something doesn’t resonate, if your body contracts, pauses, or whispers “this feels off,” it’s not for you.
I used to think I had to keep going.
To keep listening.
To stay because everyone else stayed.
But now, I trust myself more than I trust any platform, practice, or person with a mic.
Let Me Say This Loudly
If someone claims to be your healer…
If they position themselves as your guru…
If they ask to be worshipped, followed, or revered in order for you to access peace…
That is a red flag. Run.
Your truth is not found in submission.
Your healing doesn’t require hierarchy.
Your peace should never depend on someone else’s permission.
Real guidance points you inward.
It does not require devotion to the messenger.
It does not demand that you disconnect from your own wisdom to belong.
You are your own oracle.
You are the space where truth lives.
And if someone asks to be worshipped to be trusted, they are not your teacher.
What I Learned and What I’m Living
This experience wasn’t a rejection of Buddhism.
It was a recognition of where my own truth lives.
The heartbreak is real.
I was attached to the space, to the feeling of “home.”
I had found a place where others shared my beliefs.
Where I didn’t have to explain myself.
Where I could just show up and receive.
I felt it in my bones.
This was also a massive lesson in attachment.
Not just to a practice, but to comfort, to clarity, to belonging.
Even when something feels like your source of peace, it can become a tether if you are afraid to lose it, especially if that peace depends on something outside of you.
I was confused.
Because peace had turned into something I had to protect.
A thing I had to perform for by staying quiet, staying agreeable, staying devoted.
But peace that requires performance is not peace.
And alignment that disappears when you ask a question was never alignment. It was dependency.
So I let it go.
This isn’t a loss of faith.
It’s a confirmation of self-trust.
My soul has never lied to me.
And I’m not ignoring it now.
For You, If You’re In That Space Too
If you’ve been holding something that no longer fits…
If you’ve been quietly questioning a practice, a path, a teacher, a role…
If you’ve been afraid to let go because you used to love it…
This is your reminder:
You are not failing the path.
You are evolving beyond what once held you.
You are allowed to choose peace without explanation.
Let yourself grieve it.
And also, let yourself outgrow it.
Because what’s true for you will never ask you to abandon yourself to access it.
Your Solstice Invitation
As we cross the threshold of the Winter Solstice, the longest night, I want to offer you the same practice I gave myself:
A quiet moment.
A page.
A question that opens everything.
What do you know you need to leave in 2025, even if it’s hard to admit?
What truth will rise in you when you finally let it go?
You don’t need more noise.
You don’t need a guru.
You don’t need to be told what to do.
You just need space to listen and the courage to trust what you already know.
Be still. And know. 🌞
